It is important to your leadership effectiveness that people hear you and understand you. Yet isn’t it amazing that no matter how carefully you select your words, so many people don’t remember what you said or meant. As soon as you are gone, the words you spoke seem to magically change and people will swear you said something different.
The truth is that people don’t just hear and then act. They have to interpret your intention first. When someone listens to you, their brain collects chunks of your words and then searches for memory “threads” of what the listener knows. The search is heavily influenced by what the listener wants to hear. These chunks are then woven together to form an interpretation of your message.
Even if this tapestry closely resembles your intention, you are competing with the continuous running commentary going on in most people’s heads about the past, the present distractions and what to eat for dinner.
You need to consider these tips BEFORE you talk.
Tip #1: Start with the payoff. Tell them first why they should care about what you are saying. What are you trying to help them with or why is it important to the people they care about that the listeners hear what you have to say? Spark their desire if you want to be heard. Explain that what you have to say is intended to create something good, for them and/or for the good of the group.
Tip #2: Avoid using fear to prompt action and please tell the truth. As soon the brain senses threats or insincerity, it will trigger the muscles to tighten and the heart rate to increase. Then either your listeners will be thinking of ways to defend themselves or their brains will shut down in protection. Either way, they will not be able to hear most of what you have to say.
Tip #3: Be clear about what you expect your audience to do with the information. Your intention will not equal their perception unless you clearly paint the picture of the desired result, adding in clear deadlines if you have them.
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ip #4: Check in on your feelings. Humans are able to sense other people’s emotions as a matter of survival. The mirror neurons in your listener’s brain will pick up on your feelings before you speak and they will react to this emotion regardless of what you have to say. If you are feeling fear, anger, irritation, frustration, or any type of stress, you will pass that emotion on to your listener and they will hear your words through that filter. Therefore, before you speak, choose the emotion you want to project (hope, excitement, pride, gratitude, confidence) and sink it into your body. Set the emotional tone and hold it there throughout your presentation. Remember what Carl W. Buechner said, “They may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel.”
Tip #5: If at first they don’t get it, say it differently. Don’t get upset when you think someone didn’t listen to you. They could have easily misinterpreted your intent or it is possible that your statement didn’t make the right connection in their brain. Try saying what you want to express in a different way. Don’t repeat your words; reframe them.
Communications may be called a soft leadership skill. Yet it is one of the hardest skills for any leader to master. Practice may never make perfect but it will increase the positive impact of your words.
For more information on how the brain creates thoughts and influences actions, check out www.outsmartyourbrain.com .
